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Amazing Discovery

A recent UPI release revealed that a major research institution has discovered the heaviest chemical element to date which they named governmentium. It has just one neutron, 11 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 13 deputy assistant neutrons giving it the atomic mass of 312. These particles are held together by forces called morons which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take 4 days to complete when it normally it takes 1 second. Some scientists speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity and concentration. This hypothetical concentration is called the critical morass. When catalyzed with money governmentium becomes adminstratium which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Terry Pfau DO, HMD

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